snowdarkred: (text: comic book: well shit)
i know i don't post here very often anymore; i'm trying to work on that by writing longer fic. which i'm working on. /mysterious

anyway, this is just a quick note about the whole mess with delicious and everyone freaking out, etc.

i moved all my bookmarks to pinboard, and i've got everything up and running over there. feel free to network with me if you already have an account.

Link of note:


Jun. 10th, 2011 01:56 pm
snowdarkred: (Default)
 I know I haven’t posted my writing for a while, but this WSJ article and the fabulous backlash has had me reaching for my keyboard, so. I'm going to subject you to my poetry. 

#YAsaves )
snowdarkred: (lie to me: loker: hurt)
 Remember me? I bet not. 

I've been hanging out on tumblr lately, and it's been...interesting. There are definitely some things I like on it, and definitely, definitely some things that I don't. 

For one, it kind annoys me that I gain more followers when I post in a bad mood than when I post in a good one. I think, of those that remember me, that we all know that I have a short fuse when it comes to some things, and the Glee fandom hits a lot of those. While I like my corner of it, the fandom at large is kind of...not to my tastes.

I think that's why I suddenly, out of no where, started writing Losers fic again. Y'all were super-duper nice and flexible when I was there...probably because there were only, like, fifty of us. Anyway. I can't imagine The Losers having a ship war, probably because half of the fics were threesomes, foursomes, or orgies. (We were a surprisingly raunchy group, considering.)

Anyway, I'm just dropping in to wave hello at everyone and to announce that I'll be popping back to make a proper What Have I Been Doing With My Life post within a few days. I hope everyone is as well and happy as they can be! :D
snowdarkred: (dailyshow: jon: sadface&confetti)

Watching the news about Delicious leak and the subsequent backlash – and the backlash to the backlash, and the backlash to that – the only conclusion I can come to is that Yahoo is run by idiots.


The number of bookmarks being saved per hour? Down. The number of new users? Down. The number of people switching to other, admittedly poorer services? Way up. All because Yahoo can't do PR for shit. True, Delicious isn't exactly a straight up profit house, but it does, or did, have consumer loyalty. Think of how many fandom people have been using it for years? How many times it's handed to fandom-newbies as the holy grail of fic indexing? How many people thank what ever deity they believe in that it exists because it makes life easier?


Yahoo leaked the “sunset” news – or, someone else leaked it, and then some higher up on twitter threatened to fire them in a tweet, which also isn't the best way to handle things, 'cause dude, it's not going to endear you to the public – and then refused to comment about except for some serious bullshit statement that said absolutely nothing, while simultaneously suggesting the worst. And then they were surprised at the backlash from millions of users who use Delicious for everything from work to fandom. They released a statement that blamed the media for distributing false information, when it was their own ineptitude that was leading people to draw their own conclusions. And then they just sort of handwaved it by implying that, well, no one was using Delicious anyway, so what did it matter?


Do you know how long it took Wikipedia to update the Delicious article to say that Delicious was shutting down? Like, two hours.


I love my Delicious account. It's my baby. I spent two weeks going through and standardizing my tagging system, and making sure that everything has a clear label. When my computer crashed a few months back, I lost everything that had been saved – my pictures, about half of my fics, and a whole lot of other stuff that was important to me. But what wasn't lost?


My fic bookmarks. My articles. My fashion links. My research – the same research that I used to figure out what the hell is up with my sexuality, or lack thereof. All of these things may not be things, they may not be physical, they may just be data, but they're important. I've been in fandom for years. I love it. It's what I grew up with, it's what help me discover who I am, it's what got me to start writing and never stop. And Delicious is important to fandom. It's another way for us to share in the epic love fest that is free-form fandom – the rush of excitement, the surge of pleasure in discovering new things, the ease of access to things that we're interested in.


And Yahoo threatened that. Whether the site shuts down Delicious, sells it, or whatever, I know I won't be able to trust them again. I can't. They obviously can't even manage themselves – how can I expect them to manage a simple website?

PS. I would love it if LiveJournal bought Delicious. I think it would be a good fit, though I'm not sure how that would work.
PPS. My trip to see my family didn't work out -- I couldn't go because of weather stuff. :( I've been using the past few days to panic over Delicious and read lots of Glee fic. I just need a chance to turn my brain off, you know? I feel like I'm always on on on, and I just need to power down and relax. Which I can't really do, because my boss is an idiot who doesn't know how to write a simple schedule, and that when I say, I can't work on Christmas Eve, it means I can't work on Christmas Eve. He also has the hots for my step-sister, but I don't want to think about that because it's icky and he's a creeper.

snowdarkred: (ncis: tony: bloody)
Oh my god. Oh my god. I just. I hate people. I do. Jesus.

*****Warning: talk of suicide and suicidal thoughts*****

Cut for triggery talk; please be careful )
snowdarkred: (dailyshow: jonstew: scared)
I think...I think that sometimes I forget how stupid people are.

It's just: Between my friends, who are pretty much 'whatever makes you happy' about 97% of things, and all the wonderful people on LJ, I just I don't think about how fucking moronic and ignorant the average person is.

I hate people. I just, I do. They're fucking crazy and stupid and blind.

Okay, so we did a little bit on gender roles and gender identity and so on, and my teacher's painful hetronormative views aside - she's not being directly hateful, just oblivious - we watched a clip from the Today Show, about the boy who dressed up as Daphne for Halloween.

And during discussion, someone said, I shit you not, "It'd be okay for a boy to dress in girly stuff at home, but I wouldn't allow them to go out looking like that."

There was some other stuff too, like how boys wanting to dress as girls would 'grow out of it' and so on, and I desperately wanted to shout about how it didn't fucking matter whether it was a brief period or a permenent desire or what the fuck ever. If the kid wants to wear a fucking dress, s/he can wear a fucking dress.

I'm just so used to fandom being generally awesome about stuff like this. I mean, yeah, people put their foot in it, but here, on LJ and FF and DA and tumblr and all of our other ways to connect and talk and learn from each other, it's so much easier.

Y'all are wonderful, wonderful people, and I love you all. Don't ever leave me. ;_;

It does make me wonder, though, something that I think about from time to time: What would my life be like if I'd never found fandom? I got into fandom fairly young - I was about eleven/twelve-ish - and I just, y'know, grew up with it. Fandom is how I finally figured out why I have never in my life wanted to have sexual contact with anyone. I just kept waiting and waiting and waiting for that whole 'right person' bullshit, and you know what? That person is most likely not going to appear in my life because they don't exist. I mean, if I ever meet someone and all I can think is 'Jesus Christ, I want to bang them so hard' than fine. Okay. I'm cool with that. But at the moment, I don't think it's ever going to happen.

Without fandom, I can't think of a way that I would discover anything real about asexuality. I mean, there are two - two - identified asexuals on television, and one of them is Sheldon, for God's sake. There would be no way for me to find someone in the media and go, Huh, well that fits. And I don't even want to know what my psych class would say if I were to stand up and say, Hey, I'm asexual. I mean, it'd probably be something like 'Oh, you're broken; you'll get over it' or something. D:

I... came out? as an asexual in fandom and the reaction was 'Meh. Awesome for you. Now when are you going to finish that fucking story you owe us!' It's awesome.

So yeah. I  love you guys. And I am so fucking glad I found fandom because you make my life so much better. Thank the gods people like you exist.
snowdarkred: (Default)
1. I'm waiting for a train.... Well, no, I'm waiting for my friend to come pick me up so that we can go see Macbeth at the Tavern. It's going to be awesome! I was worried, because they sold out before I could buy my ticket, but one of my other friends decided not to go, and I got hers by default. \o/ It's going to be awesome! :D

2. GOOD NEWS. My Inception bigbang? It's FINALLY WORKING FOR ME. I've finally found a concept that's talking to me, and I've got 2.6K so far. Just, you know, 12.4K to go~ Hopefully this'll keep going. The title I'm going with for it is:

and together we bake a layer cake

I think this is going to be THE ONE. *crosses fingers*

3. My room is an absolute wreck. Wow.

4. I wanted to do an epic rant about THAT WAITRESS again, but I don't have it any me at the moment. Just let it be known that she is terrible.

5. I have officially blown my budget for this month. Just, ugh. I have spent far more than I meant to. WTF, I used to be better at money management than this.

6. I think I'm going to write one more Lie to Me/Loker fic, and then I'm going to bow out of the fandom, because the source material is driving me crazy, and not in the affectionate way that Supernatural drives me crazy. It's just so all over the place, and I'm not invested enough in the characters to put up with it. *sigh* I hate to be love-'em-and-leave-'em about fandoms, but really, it's for the best.

7. Is it bad that I had to remind myself not wear something slutty tonight? I mean, I looked in my closet and went, No, wait, I don't want a repeat of last time; I need to find something that covers more skin than exposes it. I don't know that I've succeeded? (Wow, I sound like a giant hobag. I'm not! I've just never understood the concept of modesty! Ack!)

8. It's really fucking cold outside. WAT. WHEN DID AUTUMN HAPPEN? D:

snowdarkred: (Default)
1. I have no plans this weekend, other than a brief shift at work on Sunday. I rather like that. I traded Saturday next week for Halloween, so should I find a party to go to on the day itself, I can. The only thing I really want to do is sleep and write at least 3-5K on whichever Inception bigbang fic actually starts talking to me.

2. OMG, MY INCEPTION BB IS KILLING ME. I can't decide on what to write, and anything I try comes out wrong! I've written the starts of six different fics, I shit you not, and I am hating it. I don't know where any of it is going, or what I can do to fix it, and it's driving me insane. Just when I think I've worked out what I'm going to do, it DIES. ;_; I FAIL AT LIFE AND ALSO INCEPTION. Watch me as I weep.

3. I am so stupidly obsessed with this video of Joseph Gordon-Levitt singing Bad Romance, I can't even BEGIN to tell you. It's even better when you realize that he changed the French lyrics to something rather naughty: (roughly) I want to fuck you and then I want to fucking leave you/fuck off. And he points out the Hitchcock references! :D IT IS AWESOME AND HE IS AWESOME AND YOU SHOULD BE AWESOME AND WATCH IT.

4. I have pre-ordered the Inception DVD and the Sherlock (BBC) series, because I am a fucking fangirl who fangasms. My bank account, it cries.

5. Okay, so there's this girl, woman, whatever, at work right? And everyone has that one coworker that they just can't stand, right? SHE DRIVES ME INSANE. I used to eat at the restaurant I work at all the time, and I HATED having her, because she is the worst. Waitress. On. The fucking. Planet. She touches everything, is obnoxious, and then is somehow surprised when she gets bad tips. I have a (girl)friend who, every time we go anywhere together, people assuming I'm dating, IDK why. (Why yes, [ profile] ravenclaw_wench , I'm talking about you, Jesus Christ.) Anyway, we went out to eat together, and she treated us worse than usual, and she gave us dirty looks and really, I'm a good tipper. Anyone who regularly waits on me knows this. My flat tip is three dollars no matter how little I order, and I then add a dollar for every ten that I spend. And for once in my fucking life, I tipped someone less than that. I gave her a really, really shitty tip. Because her stupidity? Was really fucking obvious. And it pissed me off.

Anyway, so I now work with her, and she seems to have forgotten about it, but I saw her when the cute lesbian couple with the baby comes in (and they have not, sadly, returned) and I deal with her everyday and -- just no. She calls me babe and baby and sugar and sweetheart, and while I don't mind usually - I rather like it, actually - that's when I actually like the person talking to me. I don't like her one bit, and it comes across as condescending rather than affectionate, which we both know it isn't. It drives me insane. And between her being awful at her job, her being a bitchy waitress, and her constantly commenting on how much I do or don't eat - like it's any of her fucking business that I'm a stick, okay, and I am so fucking tired of people I don't know or like accusing me of having eating disorders I don't have, SAJFIEOA;NFEA;H.


Oh my gods, I did not mean to let that rant get away from me.

(The thing is, I'm actually kind of sensitive about the eating thing because, all through childhood to the present, everyone has something to say about how skinny I am. I've had complete strangers give me the 'It's okay to eat a burger/don't you eat more than salad/don't they feed you, lol/have you considered help speech(es) and it's just. It's one of my hot button issues, okay? I am not even that thin - I weigh a hundred pounds, alright, and I have hips and a sizable bust and all. I eat at least two meals a day and I get my nutritional requirements, and so what if I absolutely hate fast food? It literally makes me sick. And anyway, I used to eat four full meals a day and snacks and so on and WAS STILL HUNGRY, and while my Ten Weeks of Crazy episode kind of trashed my metabolism, I still have days like that.)


Okay, I'm shutting up now. Jesus Christ. Um.

ETA: It's not that I'm not sympathetic to people who DO have eating disorders, it's just - I didn't appreciate being told that there was something wrong with me growing up, because, quite frankly, I got enough of that shit at home, thanks very much. Not the eating disorder bit, but the There's Something Wrong With You bit.
snowdarkred: (dailyshow: jonstew: scared)
I was born in the South. I was raised in the South. At this moment, I live in the South.

Sadly, there are a lot of dicks in the South. Or more specifically, the suberia-stick land of the metro area, which is surprisingly dense with non-Southerners.

Anyway, I work at a restaurant, which means that a lot of those dicks act like dicks to me or to the people who work with me, because the gods know that pretending to be a decent human being for the thirty seconds it takes me to walk them to their table is far too much to ask.

Anyway, I have a method which is surprisingly affective in dealing with these unwated dicks: Act. Southern.

Say, "Can y'all follow me?" instead of "Follow me please."

Say, "Thank y'all for coming; have a nice day!" instead of "Thank you for coming; have a nice day."

Say, "Yes'm, we do do take out," instead of "Yes ma'am, we have a take out option."

Say everything in a slightly-thicker-than-I-actually-have Southern accent.

And it works! The would-be dicks automatically smiles at someone who sounds like a sweet little Southern gal, complete with small stature and crooked grin. Add in big glasses and lack of visible tattoos, and I'm set!


Meanwhile, I've started back at school, and I AM THE ONLY GIRL IN MY PRODUCTION CLASS, WTF. The amusing part is that, so far, I've had people hold doors open for me, hand me things I could have gotten myself, and been granted the sought after spot at the front of the demonstrations - probably so that the guys can eye the hole in the ass of my jeans that I've been meaning to patch forever and ever ago.

Also, my psychology prof may or may not be a bigoted asshole. (We had the nature vs. nurture debate. It wasn't pretty.)
snowdarkred: (text: comic book: well shit)
I just got off from my first double shift at work. Ow. My feet. They hurt like a motherfucker. D:

(Also, I just got introduced to more of the waitstaff, and holy shit, I now have three new insta!crushes. Fuck.)
snowdarkred: (dailyshow: jonstew: scared)
The good: I HAVE A JOB! Admittedly not a very exciting job - I'm a hostess at an Asian restaurant near my house - but at least it's a job, right? \o/ My feet hurt, my boss is kind of an asshole, but I have an income! And that, my friends, is very good news.

: My computer was out of commission for a while - I may or may not have fried the little bugger - but it's back now. Hopefully it'll keep going for a few more months, because I have no money with which to replace it. Sadly, almost all of the pics on here are gone - including my icons and some of the banners and stuff that people have made for me over the years, which sucks - but my stepdad somehow managed to save most of my documents....WHICH MEANS THAT I WON'T HAVE TO START OVER ON MY BIGBANG....not that I had much to begin with. But, just in case you were wondering, the broken computer thing was why I haven't been around in the past week. That and the job. Rather time consuming, as I'm sure you know.

The Bad: I am so far behind on all my writing projects. Like, wow, goddamn, I'm really far behind. I hardly have anything written at all. Oops.

The Worse: Leto, my biggest dog, has shown signs of limping again, and I honestly don't know what we're going to do if his shoulders are acting up again. We already spent an obscene amount of money getting him a surgery for last time; if he's still in pain, we may have to put him down. D:

The FUCK MY LIFE: I paid my college tuition, looked at my bank account, and cried. Goddamn, I don't know how I'm going to make it for another year. My job pays good - 7 buck an hour - but I have no financial help in paying for books or tuition or anything, and I can't work all the time. I still have to eat and go places and occasionally buy a used book, or I might go crazy. And I don't know how much longer my little computer will keep going. Though, thanks to [ profile] anruiukimi 's help, I found a place where I might be able to replace her if she fails again without selling my soul or prostitution. :D

The fact is, life sucks. FML.

BONUS: says I'm a Highly Dorky Nerd Queen.  Click here to take the Nerd Test, get nerdy images and jokes, and talk to others on the nerd forum!
snowdarkred: (ncis: tony: bloody)
I love Eliot, I really do. I love Eliot, I love Christian Kane, I love his hair. I love everyone on this damn television show, even Nate, and that was a huge surprise to me. I wasn't expecting that, you know? (Though I didn't really love the show until the second season; the first was almost meh to me. But, anyway, not on topic.)

I love Eliot, but if I click on a fic link and discover that what had looked to be something interesting is actually just another 'They don't appreciate Eliot and he gets beat up and look, now I'm going to make him angst about it for a thousand words!' I might just cut a bitch. Just - stop. Please, dear gods and goddesses, STOP.  It had old after the first twenty times it was written. I mean, I usually love that kind of story, but. But it's the same thing repeated over and over. Again! And again! And again! While completely disregarding Eliot's personality!

And the format almost never varies. Like, almost every time:

- Someone makes disparaging comments about what Eliot does, while the writer unsubtly points out that Eliot saves their asses on almost every job. Eliot himself will just sit there stoically and cry inside. Or something.

- They go on a job, and bad guys show up, and they hurt Eliot. Sometimes they just beat him up; sometimes they kidnap him and beat him up. He acts like a brave little soldier through it all. Sometimes the writer even lets him hurt the bad guys back before they take him down.

- If he's kidnapped, the team takes forever to track him down and get him out. He's usually beat up while they do that. If he's not kidnapped, the team usually makes light of his injuries and Eliot stoically doesn't mention them because his inner child is in curled up in the fetal position or whatever.

- Either he collapses or he loses it and starts yelling at the team. If the writer's really getting into it, he may do both. Perhaps even at the same time.

- The team then feels really bad and ashamed of themselves and sorry. They make long speeches about how they were wrong and how they undervalued Eliot, can he ever forgive them? And Eliot will graciously do so from his hospital bed.

There. I just spoiled you for half of the fics in the fandom.


Dear fandom, I love you, but you piss me off. Please stop. Eliot is a badass. Respect the badass. Give the badass at least some of the personality he has on the show. And don't take away his badassness. Please and thank you.
snowdarkred: (inception: jgl: black&white)
Ugh. Really? )

On a completely different note, I have now started an epic Criminal Minds/Leverage/Losers/NCIS/Covert Affairs xover. I think there's something wrong with me.

PS- [ profile] ravenclaw_wench , YOU SUCK!!!!!!! >:(


Aug. 29th, 2010 01:52 pm
snowdarkred: (Default)
I have the replacement cord for my laptop, which means that I'm baaaaaaack! :D And I'm so behind on my writing, guh.
snowdarkred: (Default)







(And yes, I am aware of my irrationality. And I don't care. Because I HURT, ow.)

snowdarkred: (ncis: tony: bloody)

One day, I'm going to lose my shit and kill someone.

I'm sure you've all heard me rant at some point about my Shitty Childhood, though I add the same disclaimer every time – AKA, I know that there are definitely people out there who've had worse; I even know several of those people. I'm even friends with some of those people. But that doesn't mean that my childhood was fun or easy going or, goddammit, enjoyable. Fuck no.

I bring this up now because I just lost control of myself and got super pissed at my mom, and started crying because that's my response to being emotional, because of something that she said, which is still burning at me. Because, seriously, what the actual fuck!?!?

What happened: One of my good friends got a tattoo. Just a little one, just below her collarbone. It's her favorite line from her favorite song by her favorite band. And it has personal significance to her. And my mother and I have talked in the past about tattoos and the one my mom wants. So I showed her the pic of it (here) and my mom's response was...less than encouraging. Basically it was, 'Oh, look at what the freak girl did now, why is my daughter friends with her?'

My response: RAGE.

Con-chan has helped me through some seriously tough shit, shit that my mother refused to see and buried her head in the sand about because that was easier than seeing proof of how her husband's behavior fucked me over. Con-chan (aka, Zoe) introduced me to the people who saved my fucking life. And Mom's response was THAT? Fuck that. Why is her 'spirit animal turtle' better than three words? Why does her symbol of self expression mean more than Zoe's?

(To top it all off, my mother has gotten her bellybutton pierced at some point, and the only reason she took it out was because there was some sort of problem with it. That's right, she got her BELLYBUTTON pierced.)

And I probably wouldn't have lost it so much if she wasn't like that TO ALL MY FRIENDS. Which is why, in HS, no one wanted to come over to my house. When you're face with hate everyday at school, you don't want to hang out at a place where it's obvious someone is judging you. Mom likes to think that she's this liberal and accepting person just because she's ~bisexual and lived with a woman for seven years, but she turns her nose up at everyone who doesn't fit into a box. Even now, if I try to wear my fox hat (NOT made of fox, but an orange hat with ears) anywhere near her, she'll refuse to be seen with me in public. Because what random ass people we don't know really fucking matter.

(EX: I was telling her about the awesomeness that is Misha Collins life, and I got to the bit about he and his wife's recommitment ceremony (which was adorable) and her reaction was 'That's weird and strange and uh'. (For those that don't know, his wife dress in a suit and he dressed in a wedding dress. With makeup.) I didn't even mention that his wife wrote a practical guide to living in a threesome and making it work. So much for your ~bisexual understanding, Mom. And I say this a bisexual.)

And the thing that makes me RAGE is that she DOESN'T KNOW ZOE. Because she doesn't want to. Because she sees Zoe's hair and her jewelry and the fact that she doesn't care about what other people think, and she has a DO NOT WANT reaction that makes me what to hit something. Zoe SAVED MY LIFE by being there for me. Zoe defended me against people who wanted to hurt me. Zoe was there when I needed her. Mom? Nope.

My stepfather tells me repeatedly for years that I'm a horrible human being incapable of feeling love? She does nothing. Zoe? Holds me when I cry for two hours straight every few weeks.

I have a panic attack because there are just too many damn people around me and I can't fucking breath? Mom tells me to get over it because she can't see what the problem is. Zoe? Tells everyone to fuck off and makes sure that there's always someone I know next to me so that I have someone to clutch at.

Stepfather punches a hole in my wall because I didn't fold his pants right? Mom asks me 'Why do you have to make him so angry?' Zoe? Offers me a place to stay.

And my mother wondered why I got emotional when she called Zoe a freak. Zoe may not care, but I can't stand to see someone who's done THAT MUCH for me completely dismissed by someone who doesn't know her and makes it clear that she doesn't WANT to know her.

I wonder how Mom is going to react when I get flectere si nequeo superos, achaeronta movebo (translates as If I cannot move Heaven, I will raise Hell) tattooed on my back.


snowdarkred: (Default)

October 2012

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