Using Southern-ness as a means of mass-persuasion

[snowdarkred]

I was born in the South. I was raised in the South. At this moment, I live in the South.

Sadly, there are a lot of dicks in the South. Or more specifically, the suberia-stick land of the metro area, which is surprisingly dense with non-Southerners.

Anyway, I work at a restaurant, which means that a lot of those dicks act like dicks to me or to the people who work with me, because the gods know that pretending to be a decent human being for the thirty seconds it takes me to walk them to their table is far too much to ask.

Anyway, I have a method which is surprisingly affective in dealing with these unwated dicks: Act. Southern.

Say, "Can y'all follow me?" instead of "Follow me please."

Say, "Thank y'all for coming; have a nice day!" instead of "Thank you for coming; have a nice day."

Say, "Yes'm, we do do take out," instead of "Yes ma'am, we have a take out option."

Say everything in a slightly-thicker-than-I-actually-have Southern accent.

And it works! The would-be dicks automatically smiles at someone who sounds like a sweet little Southern gal, complete with small stature and crooked grin. Add in big glasses and lack of visible tattoos, and I'm set!

/godihatemyjobwhenwillthatcomicbookstorestarthiringfuckinghelliwantanewlifeshit

Meanwhile, I've started back at school, and I AM THE ONLY GIRL IN MY PRODUCTION CLASS, WTF. The amusing part is that, so far, I've had people hold doors open for me, hand me things I could have gotten myself, and been granted the sought after spot at the front of the demonstrations - probably so that the guys can eye the hole in the ass of my jeans that I've been meaning to patch forever and ever ago.

Also, my psychology prof may or may not be a bigoted asshole. (We had the nature vs. nurture debate. It wasn't pretty.)

Comments

[katemonkey.livejournal.com]

Even better is when you bring out the "y'all"s in a different country.

I've been here 10 freakin' years, and occasionally hitting that "y'all" does the strangest things to so many people in this country.

And it amuses the hell out of me far more than my SoCal "dude"s ever do.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

It's like BING! New attitude. I don't really understand it, but hey, I'm not going to argue if it stops people from yelling at me for no reason. :P

(Sadly, as I have never been out of the country, I can't test its affect on another culture. One day though....)

[pacers98.livejournal.com]

You are so right! I went to college in New Orleans and live in California now. I break out the ya'lls and a bit of a drawl all the time, and douchebags just fall by the way side. And then everyone at work wants to know why the customers who hate everyone like me.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

*waves* Hi there! I don't think I've seen you around these parts. :3 Welcome! <3

Yeah, it's magical! Just a hint of Southern twang, and they just...collapse and smile. It's kinda like brainwashing. :P

[shanachie-quill.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I say "y'all" and people look at me like I have three heads. But then again...I am not Southern--although I am little and girlish.

Daren keeps holding doors for me...I point out that I'm a girl and he doesn't care about that. He points out his mother will beat his ass if she finds out he's impolite.

You could always put a "moon" patch on your jeans like I did--so you can moon them when they look at where your hole used to be.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

I always feel weird when people hold doors open for me. It's kind of how I feel when I notice people hitting on me. Just...strange and funny and vaguely uncomfortable with it.

Technically, it's two holds - right about the back pockets. The seam is ripping how. They're my fav pair, and I don't care if they have holes in them, but I feel like I should do something so I don't scandalize people...even more. Like I did at the dinner party incident, tho in my defense, I hadn't thought before putting on that particular tank top. :3

[anruiukimi.livejournal.com]

Too early to hate your job! You haven't reached the state of "accustomed numbness" yet. :P I tended to stay at my food/retail jobs for a long time, as irritating as they got sometimes. It was just easier, I guess. :P


...If you want a flashy repair, get a decorative patch. If not, go to Joann/Hobby Lobby, get some denim or some fabric you like and put it on the inside of the jeans and stitch it in place. If the hole isn't that big, you can just do something like this:

http://blog.craftzine.com/archive/2009/03/how-to_patching_pants_with_sty.html

you don't even need fabric behind the hole if it's small enough. I just did that to a pair of pants last night (I had thunderthighed them to death. XD)

[anruiukimi.livejournal.com]

Japan has no clue what the hell you are doing if you pull out a y'all. XD They just look at you funny. But it's not exactly an English speaking country or anything. :P

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

I wonder where I put my sewing machine.... *hunts around room*

I basically stand there for three hours! I'm not allowed to do anything, and no one on the lunch shift talks to me! >:| My chushee works nights! As does Brad and Sarah! What am I supposed to do but bitch about my job?

[anruiukimi.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the hunting :P

Yeah, that was my life back at McDs. Gave me plenty of time to brainstorm. XD If you have receipt paper/small memo pad, you should doodle or write on the down-low. I got really good at that. 8D

[shanachie-quill.livejournal.com]

I have smacked Daren...cause damn it I am capable of opening the door myself.

I know what you mean. Hence the moon patch. My mother wouldn't let me out of the house with the holes on my ass. We won't discuss how old I was when I got the jeans. LOL suuuure you didn't (about the tank top.)