Losers fic: don't look in the mirror, darling, you don't know who you'll see (girl!Jensen)

[snowdarkred]

Title: don't look in the mirror, darling, you don't know who you'll see
Author: snowdarkred 
Word Count:  ~1K
Pairings: girl!Jensen/Cougar
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, implied nastiness dealing with being a woman in the military, attempted nastiness, and swearing.
Author's Note: Pre-movie!verse. This also wasn't what I set down to write, but girl!Jensen is just too tempting. She's a little more fucked up than I anticipated, but I think that makes sense. Also, Cougar is love. :D I heart his crazy sniper ass.

Summary: Jocelyn "Jake" Jensen is a badass chick. She's just a little messed up in the head, but that's nothing that isn't expected. It's okay, though, 'cause Cougar's got her back.

don't look in the mirror, darling, you don't know who you'll see

 

Jocelyn “Jake” Jensen joined the military because she didn't have anything else to do. The government had shut down all of her online scams, she didn't have any job history, and she barely had a GED. Oh, and her sister had a kid on the way and no health insurance. It was the best and worst decision of her life.

 

---

 

The thing is, all that shit you hear about how women are treated in the military? It's true.

 

Fucking male chauvinistic assholes.

 

---

 

They gave her to the Losers because they had nothing else to do with her. She talked too much, and she knew more than her superior officers, and she didn't know when not to let those two cross. She embarrassed them in front of the men, and no matter how many 'lessons' they tried to pound into her, she never slowed down, never stopped, never stayed in what they saw as her place. She was too skilled to simply get rid of, and she was too stubborn to quit.

 

No body was as stubborn as a Jensen woman. They were born with ice in their veins.

 

---

 

Clay was the first CO that she had who didn't look at her and see woman.

 

Instead, he saw useful and competent. He saw that she could shoulder her own pack, and bit of everyone else's as well. She could handle a gun (mom put one in her hands early, just to piss dad off), she could out-hack anyone the Losers had worked with before (an old computer, shoved in the corner of a room with peeling paint and cracks in the walls), and she was fluent in bullshit (talk him down talk him down talk him down).

 

She carved a space for herself with her badassery and her skills, and she was happy. Her work was challenging, she had comrades who would watch her back, and she didn't have to worry about someone sneaking into her tent at night, eager to get something that she wasn't offering.

 

And they put up with her talking.

 

It was better than anything she'd ever had before, even when it was just her and her sister and the baby. That thought made her feel a little guilty, like she was replacing her family, but really, these guys were more of a family than anything she'd had in a long time.

 

It probably said something about her that hanging out with four men and killing people was the happiest she'd ever been, but she didn't really care.

 

---

 

The first time she pulled out a picture of her niece, Pooch had thought that she was hers. That Jensen had a kid.

 

I bet you're a good mother, he'd said, without a trace of irony.

 

Jensen had stared at him for a full five minutes, trying to wrap her head around the idea that someone seriously thought that she'd be good with that much responsibility. Then she'd laughed and laughed and laughed, remembering playing house with her sister and dropping the baby dolls everywhere, because she couldn't be bothered to remember to keep her grip tight.

 

Pooch had just looked at her in confusion, right up until Jensen explained that she had a sister and a niece and no plans on ever having kids. She could be responsible for saving the day and hacking computers and maybe committing international crimes, but she couldn't handle the thought of someone completely helpless depending on her. The thought made her skin crawl with memories.

 

---

 

Sometimes, she had nightmares. Pooch and Clay were too polite to mention it, and Roque didn't give enough of a damn to bother. But Cougar.

 

Cougar was the one who woke her up when the dreams came and dragged her under. But she didn't mind him seeing that weakness; after all, she was the one who woke him up from his.

 

---

 

Don't Ask, Don't Tell didn't really apply to the Losers, because half of the time, they didn't exist. So, really, there was no reason to keep her attraction to women a secret. She checked women out in bars, flirted with them like crazy, and even scored a few times, all under the watchful eyes of her team.

 

The sort-of secret was that she was attracted to men as well. She didn't want things to be awkward.

 

---

 

The first time they were captured and one of the bad guys tried to get his hand down her pants, Cougar tore the man's ear off with his teeth.

 

Yeah, it was kind of gross. But the Losers' arms were all bound behind them, and they hadn't had enough time for one of them to get out of the ropes yet, and Cougar. Cougar wouldn't let anything happen to her. He had her back.

 

Of course, that was before another one of the thugs grabbed her from behind and tried to rip her shirt off. She lost it, and when she came back to herself, there was blood on her hands and her wrists were scraped completely raw, and the asshole was deaddeaddead. She'd killed him. The team was free as well, and she wasn't sure when that had happened. She wasn't really sure how any of that had happened.

 

A hand touched her shoulder, and she jumped, skittish. Cougar. It was just Cougar.

 

Estás a salvo. Ahora estás a salvo. Estoy aquí, he said. She relaxed. Even though she didn't really know what he was saying, she still relaxed. Because it was Cougar.

 

---

 

Jensen worried for a few days that Clay was going to report her little episode, and then she would be reassigned or kicked out or, God forbid, sent to therapy.

 

Nothing happened. She breathed easier, right up until the nightmares hit.

 

---

 

Cougar woke her up every day for the next two weeks. Even in her sleep, she's loud. One day, after a particularly unsettling one (plain room with paint peeling off the walls and a computer in the corner and cold eyes looking at her with too much interest) she gave up.

 

She caught Cougar's eye and slowly stood, giving him plenty of time to guess her intentions. She walked across the crappy hotel room they were sharing, walked right up to his bed, and sat down. She laid back, letting her legs fall open and her eyes close. The bed smelled like gun oil and metal and sweat. It smelled like Cougar.

 

Skin on skin. Her arm against his. Her shoulder against his. His hand against her ribs. This was home.

 

She slept, and Cougar kept the nightmares away.

---

press three to dial again, press four to kill them all

Master Post for girl!Jensen 'verse

Comments

[marvinetta.livejournal.com]

"M" is for "more please?!"

:D

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

...I have written more. I'll post in a day or two? :D

[alocine-89.livejournal.com]

this is awesome.

I love girl!jensen, and how she's not too different from regular Jensen, but at the same time is her own person.

well done :D

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3 For some reason, I have a fascination with genderswitched characters. I'm so glad it worked. :D

[kawasakininja.livejournal.com]

At first the idea of a girl Jensen takes a bit to get used to, but somewhere between No body was as stubborn as a Jensen woman. They were born with ice in their veins. and It probably said something about her that hanging out with four men and killing people was the happiest she'd ever been, but she didn't really care. you have me buying it completely. Is it weird that I find girl Jensen more badass than just Jensen? :) Because she is a total badass here, but it probably goes with having more to prove as a woman in the military. The idea of Jensen hiding her attraction to men comes of as strangely endearing. Maybe because there is Cougar in one's mind when thinking about it. He is the best, so fiercely protective and just there for her without words complicating things. And the rest of the team. Both Clay's and Pooch's parts are so full of love. Because you know that Clay, despite his affinity for volatile blonds (at times :)), would treat Jensen properly, for what she is, a member of his team. And Pooch thinking of her as a good mother, I don't know, just says so much about Pooch himself and how much value he puts in Jensen. And even Roque, despite not seeing much of him, you still get the feeling that he accepts Jensen as their equal. This comes of as a great and heart warming character study and the tender but not overly sexual ending is perfect along those lines.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

She's a bit harder than the Jensen in the movie, because you're right, she's had to do more to prove herself.

Even though all those women tried to blow him up, Clay never really lost his respect for them. He doesn't discount someone just because of the genitalia their born with.

(Side note: I get annoyed when people say that there's no way that Aisha/Zoe could have held her own with a big man like JDM, because 1. Zoe did ballet for year, and ballet people have crazy unexpected muscles, like, whoa, and 2. She used props from the room. It's not like she was just going hand to hand; she through stuff at him, she hit him with stuff, she played dirty. And, I know a woman who's about Zoe's size, and she a ridiculously codependent black belt, so. Ahem, mini-rant over.)

Thank you for another wonderful comment. :D You're awesome!

[shanachie-quill.livejournal.com]

I can help you on this. My cousin teaches MMA (after fighting it for I dunno how many years) and lemme tell you...some of the girls can and do take out the biggest guys. With the right training and leverage, a girl can (and does) take out pretty much anyone.

That said...yes Aisha fights dirty. And it's awesome! I love that scene for that reason.

I'm 5'3" and I've taken my cousin down (who's 6'2") plus some of the guys in his gym. And I don't have nearly the training they do. Granted I've done it because they aren't expecting it. But yeah it is possible.

[scherwood]

That was just bad ass, I love girl!jensen, and if you feel like writing more.. then please do! :D *hugs*

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

I did write more. Will post in a day or two. :D

Thank you! <3

[bloodquartz.livejournal.com]

Oh! This is insanely awesome and I don't have words for how much I love it and how fantastically you've done this. But wow! ♥_♥

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay, I got heart eyes! :D Thanks! <3

[b-scholes.livejournal.com]

This is great. Girl!Jensen really works here.
Cougar looking out for her is great, even when she sleeps.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

Thank you! We all know that Cougar would never let anything happen to Jensen, no matter what gender she was. XD

[katemonkey.livejournal.com]

Oh that's awesome.

I love how she is in this, I love how Cougar is in this (♥!), and I love the fact that Pooch first thinks she's a mom. Aw Pooch!

I'm glad you're saying you're writing more, 'cause I would love to see more of Jocelyn.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D Cougar is awesome, and Pooch is a total sweetie. <3