snowdarkred

Okay, so I don't remember how much I've told you guys about my family before, so here's a rough summery:

- My mom is bi but also heteronormative, which is confusing for me to understand but okay.
- My step-dad's an asshole.
- I've never meet my 'real' dad - aka, bio-dad - because he and Mom divorced when I was 11 months old and he fucked off to wherever the hell he went. I know what he looks like, I know what his name is, but I haven't met anyone on that side of my family.

Nor I have I ever had the inclination to.

Well, today, as I was helping Mom make Saturday lunch for everyone, she tried to have this really awkward conversation about my bio-dad and where he was and how I felt about him. And it was awkward. She wanted to assure me that she wouldn't mind if I chose to look for him, and my aunt was concerned that because I have facebook, he might be able to track me down and poison my mind or something. I dunno, I didn't really understand why that was a concern. She just felt the need to tell me.

My response was that, no, I don't want to look for him because I don't care, no really, I don't, please believe me, because it's true.

Not only that, but I'm eighteen. I'm not sure what the hell my aunt thinks that Mom can do about me having a facebook page. It's not like she can tell me to take it down. Not only that, but I don't use my last name on it, so I don't know how he'd find me in the first place. I don't show up in searches anyway, and when my name does pop up, it's not me.

It's always been hard for Mom to talk to me about my bio-dad and stuff because she hates him, and it shows. And she's occasionally used that to attack me ("You're just like your father!" is probably supposed to have more of an emotional impact on me than it does), and quite frankly, it's hard for me to feel angst about something that I've never known in the first place. I mean, Mom was with Tonya when I was younger, which meant that I had two mommys instead of a mom and a dad. Big fucking deal, right? And then Mom was single, and again, big fucking deal, though I was very angsty about Tonya, because she was my second parent. Etc.

So, no, I have no interest in 'reconnecting' with my bio-dad or whatever, and if I did, I wouldn't stop myself just because my mom doesn't approve. That hasn't exactly stopped me before, and I don't think it'll start working now.

I just. Don't. Care. And if that changes at some point in the future? Than sure, I might look him up, but until then, I am quite content to deal with the problems that are already in my life. I have no need to add more.

On a completely different note, I have now started an epic Criminal Minds/Leverage/Losers/NCIS/Covert Affairs xover. I think there's something wrong with me.

PS-