SPN fic: and then we'll carry on again

[snowdarkred]

Title: and then we'll carry on again
Author: snowdarkred 
Word Count:  575
Pairings: Sam/Sam, hint of Sam/Dean
Rating/Warnings: teen; swearing, kissing, head games, spoilers for the latest episode!
Author's Note:  THIS IS YOUR FAULT, high_flyer87 !!! If you hadn't gone on about how much you wanted to see puppy interact with robo!Sam, I wouldn't have written this mess. >:| JK, love you and your awesomeness! <3 Originally posted here.

Summary: Sam feels like he's dreaming. Maybe he is. There's a voice floating in the back of his head that tells him that he should be dreaming, that what he is seeing now isn't be real, but when you've lived the life he has, that voice doesn't count for much.

and then we'll carry on again

 

Sam feels like he's dreaming. Maybe he is. There's a voice floating in the back of his head that tells him that he should be dreaming, that what he is seeing now isn't be real, but when you've lived the life he has, that voice doesn't count for much.

He's staring into his eyes. He is staring into his own eyes. But they aren't. They're dead eyes, even deader than they had been in the middle of everything, with Ruby and the demon blood and the whispered promises that were nothing but lies. He feels like that should mean something, but it's like there's this wall in his head, a fence that cordons off all the important parts. He can't think straight; all he feels is the familiar burn of guilt, although he can't place it to an action. He can't place anything right now. It's like someone's thrown a fuzzy blanket over his head and he's seeing the world through the weave. Something's not right.

His eyes blink. Or, he watches his eyes blink. Something.

Sam looks at the rest of his face now. There's something wrong with it. It doesn't look like he remembers. It's thinner, colder. Wrong. It looks like him, on the surface, except for all the ways it doesn't.

There's hate in his eyes. He knows that; it's only part of this that makes sense. It's the same expression he saw every day in the mirror for years, after everything - after Jess, John, Madison, Brady. Loathing.

"Why," the other Sam hisses. "Why are you so fucking important? What makes you so much better than me?"

Sam doesn't really understand. "I'm me," he says, although that doesn't answer anything. He doesn't really know what the other Sam is asking. "I don't know why. I just. I."

The other Sam – cold, God, his eyes are so cold – looms closer, and now Sam kind of understands why people find him intimidating. He's a scary bastard. He has a feeling that he's seen something like this before, but it's trapped under the fuzzy blanket – or was it behind a wall? – like everything else. "Why does he want you back so fucking much?"

And there's the thing: Sam's been standing here, staring at himself, not understanding, for the whole time. Floating. Like he's not connected to anything at all. But when the other Sam says this, it's like fishing line hooks on his brain and leads him to...something. Dean.

Dean.

"I'm his brother," Sam says, and he's struck by the naked jealousy on the other Sam's face. There's something there, something that he should remember, but he can't....

The other Sam reaches for him, but Sam doesn't move away. He lets it happen.

Lips. His own lips. He's kissing himself, but he's not, really, because this Sam, this duplicate, isn't him. The kiss is hard and unforgiving, and it takes and takes and takes, until Sam can't feel anything but the other Sam's hands on him, the other Sam's tongue harsh against his mouth.

"You'll never be enough," the other Sam whispers. "You'll never be enough again."

And then he can't feel anything at all.

When he wakes up, Dean is there, white faced with worry, and Sam feels a weird itch at the back of his mind, like the blood-lust but worse - like the other Sam had graffitied on something important. But he doesn't know what it is.

---

*bangs head against wall*

Comments

[high-flyer87.livejournal.com]

Eeeep! I LOVE YOU!

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

*continues to bang head against wall* And yet this makes LOADS MORE SENSE than the fact that I'm writing an Inception/Glee crossover in which Arthur and Eames teach Kurt how to dream-build. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I love you, I do. You just bring out the worst/best in my creative/crack brain. *facepalm* THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

Also, the scene that your icon is from broke my heart. :(

[high-flyer87.livejournal.com]

I will gladly take the blame for this *nods*.

How in the world did you even come up with an Inception/Glee crossover XD YOUR BRAIN IS AWESOME!

And that scene is my favorite in the whole series. I mean, that's probably my favorite episode in the whole series, but that scene especially. Bb!Sam, and Bob Dylan, and wibbly!Dean *swoons*. So much love!

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

:D

I don't know. I'm serious. One minute I'm watching Glee, fighting the urge to somehow travel through reality and give Kurt a much needd hug (*pets him* Poor bb; his life sucks) and the next thing I think is, Huh, he and Arthur would probably get along. When they weren't trying to kill each other. And then I wrote this. *facepalm*

That episode made me cry. That is, embarrassingly, not a rare reaction to watching some of the more ~emotional SPN episodes. *blushes* Also, whatshisface, the awesome kid they have playing bb!Sam, is amazing. <3

FJDAKLF;DJASKLF;DAS HE SHOULD BE SAMMY'S ~SOUL WHILE HE'S DREAMING OR SOMETHING. Like, when Sam sleeps, in between getting angsty flashes of hell, he also dreams about getting cryptic messages from a mini-him who may or may not actually be some part of him, or possibly a plant/spy/agent/whatever sent by an angel/demon to convince Sam to do something. Does that make sense?

[high-flyer87.livejournal.com]

The kid who plays Sam is awesome! They couldn't have picked anyone better. AND HOLY CRAP I LOVE THE IDEA OF HIM AS SAM'S SOUL!!!! *FLAILS* Sort of like "When the Levee Breaks," and Sam's hallucinating (love that ep too, btw).

Okay, I just got this awesome image in my brain where Sam and bb!Sam are in bed together. I mean...not in bed like that, because that would be weird. But like, they're both curled up on their side facing each other and bb!Sam is whispering things to Sam while he sleeps. Or he's like Sam's conscience, and only Sam can see him, and it just shows him riding in the backseat, or standing in the corner on a hunt, watching, and he just sort of spouts off commentary all the time.

Oh! And Sam just sort of glares at him all the time, because this is totally why he didn't want his soul back, thankyouverymuch. It won't shut up. So he glares a lot, and Dean sees him and is all, "What are you staring at o_O" And Sam's like, "What? *confused puppy* Oh, um. Nothing. It's nothing. *glares at bb!Sam*"

Then one day he gets fed up because bb!Sam won't leave him alone, and so he blows up in his face, and THAT'S when his shields comes down, and he goes insane. (Which is totally going to happen. They can't throw in a loaded gun like "Don't go scratching at it" and then NOT have him scratch at it with terrible angsty consequences. I'm hoping for another panic room scene ala "When the Levee Breaks." Jared rocked that.)

Anyway. WOW. Long comment is long.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE ME MORE FIC IDEAS. NO.

FFFFFFFFFFF That would be awesome! *weeps because the Show will probably never do it*

Jared does crazy pretty well. :3 Hopefully they won't drag the itching wall out for more than the rest of the season. I know that the boys signed up for another season, but really, keeping us in suspense that long would be a really jackass move, ihmo. Not that the writers would ever do that to us. >.>

[high-flyer87.livejournal.com]

*gasp* How dare you accuse me of doing such a thing! I would NEVER!

XD hehe

*pokepoke* bb!Sammy needs you.

I AM JUST SAYING.

They've already signed on for another season? Sheesh. I was kind of hoping this would be it. I mean, I'd like for it to go on forever, but really, let's end it before it runs itself dry. Which it might have already, but whatev. Let's hope they at least don't drag out this "wall" thing for too long.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

I don't have tiiiiiiime. I have to write:

- Sequel to Project Super Soldier
- The last three fics in the girl!Jensen 'verse (Losers, not SPN)
- Sequel to my BBC Sherlock vampire fusion thing
- the next three parts in my teen AU!Tony Stark/Steve Rogers 'verse
- something else that I'm forgetting
- the Glee/Inception crossover
- My SPN bigbang fic that I actually want to finish this year

No. Time. ;__;

I believe they have. I think they did it right after they announced season six, too. Hopefully that means that there will be plans, because shows work better when there's planning.

I am hopeful about how things are going, but then, I may reevaluate when I get around to watching S6 in the proper order and at one time. Who knows. I have faith, for the most part. :D For a limited value of faith - I bought the prequel comics, because I'm a comic book nerd and it was SUPERNATURAL, how could I resist? The first one is terrible, imo, but the second one is sort of okay, and I love the third one like pie. The Sam and John interactions are awesome. <3

Also, can I just say that I find it vaguely amusing and horrifying that three other people have saved the short preview I posted of my Inception/Glee fic on Delicious? One, wow, I always forget that there are more than four people who read my journal, and two, wow, why would someone want to save a poorly constructed incomplete rough draft with no plot? And many typos? *shakes head*