Weekend of Solitude; also, in need of relationship advice

[snowdarkred]

1. It has begun! The Weekend of Solitude, AKA I Need to Get Shit Done. I have a ton of stuff I want to work on, from my Inception bigbang - which I am no longer certain is going to be what I thought it was? At this point, I am on the verge of just giving up, Jesus Christ - to the Sherlock!AU, to the next part in the girl!Jensen 'verse to all the other fics that need my attention. I'm kind of failing on the not-being-ADD thing right now. D:

2. Okay, I'm an asshole. I know this. Other people know this. My knee-jerk reaction to things is 'bitchy'. So, there was this prompt, on the inception kink meme, which I shouldn't have been looking at because I have more than enough to do already. But, you see, this prompt was really good, and it was already filled. But it was filled terribly. Like, horrible, overblown angst. And I hate that, you know? When it's obvious the writer has no idea what it really feels like to experience what they're writing about, when they've basically weaving their plot around a bunch of symptoms on a list. When the writing is terrible on top of that.

Like I said, I'm kind of an asshole.

So, instead of just clicking away and returning to my proper work, I did my own fill. I rather like it, actually, even if it's a bit shorter than I want and I had a typo in the last line that I can't fix because I posted anon. But I do plan on claiming it within a week or two, when I've had a chance to clean it up and expand some parts.

Anyway, I'm an asshole because all I wanted to do was message the original filler and say something along the lines of 'Nananana, I did it better than you!' I haven't, obviously, but it was a close thing. It would be really terrible of me if I did it.

I still wanted to. I am, as you know, an asshole.

3. Yes, thank you, Amazon. I was hoping for something more detailed in response to my inquiry as to the location of my goods. "US" doesn't really tell me much, considering the size of the country.

4. I saw Brick for the first time since I saw Inception. I introduced it to my parents, actually. It got a few laughs and winces from them, as well as some plot guesses along the way. They liked it, though they were right in saying that it felt like a really well-done student film (which it basically is). But it is now my head-canon for Arthur's background, because it fits, and I may have outlined a how-Brendan-becomes-Arthur story during work yesterday. The outline is a page long. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it.

I need to stop doing this shit to myself.

5. I have no money. Just, none. Going out every Wednesday with that boy who may, eventually, become my boyfriend is killing my bank account. And now that I've realized the reason I've always felt guilty about my relationships in the past (AKA, I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone, including the people I date) I'm not sure how this is going to go. I mean, how do other manage it. We have yet to even have a conversation about gay rights - which we need to have, seeing as I refuse to date douchebags, and I need to find out if he is one - how the fuck do I explain this to him? I don't want to lead this guy on or anything.

Also, I just realize this the other day: His name is Tyler. One of my exes is Taylor. Ack.

Does anyone have any advice? I mean, the guy is familiar with fandom, as he's a gamer and comic book nerd, but he's shied away from a question about gay rights/civil rights the other day, and it has me concerned. There's also the fact that he showed me where he lived (which is in not-so-good condition) and if I decide that I don't want a relationship with him, he may decide it's because I'm a classist bitch - which I'm not, seeing as I have lived in similar places. Just not anymore. :/

Also, I'm not sure if I trust him enough to hand over my LJ username and all that goes with it. :/

I also may be trying to talk myself out of starting anything at all, but I'm not sure what to do with that.

Comments

[weird-fin.livejournal.com]

Heh at the icon!

Biromantic...yeah that sounds strange. I get an image of someone professing love to their Biro collection. >_< *snerk*

I've only been with fandom from very late high school so not much of my life.

Wow that sounds cool, our conventions are only gaining huge momentum now so, geeks where usually those either into gaming/comics or the smart nerd of maths/physics/chemistry.

My parents don't know I write fic so. Only a select few.

Possibly, very possibly. :P

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

Panromantic at least sounds a little better while getting the point across. :3

I got started when I was maybe eleven or twelve? So I kind of grew with it. Sometimes I have to remind myself that 'normal people' don't use internet slang like het or slash or genderfuck or so on to describe stuff. :/

I think about forty people explicitly know; the rest infer. Correctly. :)

I bet one is! Fandom is huge and massive and ever growing, with all sorts of people stuffed into it. So it's entirely possible. :D There's a chance that, at some point, fandom is going to be known to pretty much everyone and not just internet trawlers. :P We'll take over the world! Or at least the market audience. Which has already started to happen, if you look at how closely Supernatural and Star Trek tailors to its fanbase.

[weird-fin.livejournal.com]

:)

Yeah, I can understand you having to watch yourself with internet/fandom langauge, its permeated into my emoticons and such and friends who I talke a lot to in high school and i haven't talked much on MSN with them all go WTF is XD? etc *facepalms*

Definitely. Apparently a few plot points and lines from the first episode of Bones was for/from the fans. Mostly via Twitter but still, I'm sure there's plenty of fandom exploitation for writer's to use.

[snowdarkred.livejournal.com]

It's just like this second language. Or, actually, it's more like a first language while I'm living in a country that uses a second one. I keep having to catch myself because while my friends would get it, normal people wouldn't. *bangs head* My BFF is in bandom, my other best friend is a BNF in pretty much every anime fandom she joins (she does art) and my last ex boyfriend was a hacker. I mean, seriously. My Life Is Fandom.

IDK, I quit watching Bones after last season. I just lost interest. *shrugs* :D But fandom references are becoming a trend. And if the creators are tight with the fans, the jabs/discussions are usually kind. It's a brave new world out there. I mean, actors go to fan conventions, ComicCon and Dragon*Con are huge star-power houses, Marvel and DC are determined to get comic books into the hands of as many people as possible, and it's damn free-for-all!

I mean, just the other month, an actress from the Sherlock BBC show tweeted (twitted?) about how she read a smut piece featuring her character...and liked it. And then she posted again to clarify: A lot. Fandom is not a secret new letter that's passed between fen like dirty magazines in the 40s. Between the Harry Potter fandom branching out and joining new ones and the ever present Star Trek people and the monster that is SPN, it's pretty much in the open as it is. Average Joe may not know about it at this point, but in five years? Probably will.

I'm not sure I like how scary that thought is.

[weird-fin.livejournal.com]

Its probably comforting to you? Like an expansion of your world. ;)

Eugh. But there will always be jerks/assholes be in the 'natural' world or fandom. Ew fandom wank. I have a post right now in a community I'm trying to figure out what to do with it...I've just frozen the thread....I should probably screen it too..it looks like it could get worse especially if others comment..I don't know. Maybe I'll ask the mod. Though i have a feeling one of the people involved IS a mod... *headdesk*